Master Kane

The desire to submit isn’t anti-feminist and a true BDSM relationship has nothing to do with abuse. Consider ballroom dancing. When you give your partner the opportunity to lead, and choose to follow, you dance together. The desire isn’t to be conquered — it’s to surrender.

While Dominant/Submissive inclinations are as old as human nature itself, there’s a reason the BDSM fantasy is engaging the female imagination now. Women came a long way. Women are in positions of corporate and political power. They have a voice when they stand up and demand to be heard. Yet, at the same time, They are still the primary emotional hub of the family, and coordinate most of the domestic chores. Getting swept away in a fantasy where another takes the reins, protects and cares for you, takes away any responsibility? It’s natural.

Has your partner ever told you to leave your hands above your head while he was… doing wonderful things to you? He didn’t tie you up; he simply gave you the command. Suddenly what he was doing was even more stimulating - simply because you were letting him take the lead. That’s part of BDSM. Whether it’s psychological or physical restraint, giving up power can be very liberating.

“But that’s not what BDSM is,” some may insist. Perhaps you saw whips, chains, leather — all sorts of stuff that you’re sure will put you on the deviant watch list. Certainly those trappings exist — and can be a lot of fun, especially when you decide to do “interrogation” role-play — but they aren’t the true heart of BDSM.

At the end of the day, BDSM is about a power exchange and the end goal is trust. Giving someone else the gift of your emotional vulnerability can enhance your sexual confidence and strengthens your psychological core. For many women, there’s nothing more empowering. It’s that message that is enticing women to explore it further.

In healthy, loving BDSM practice, relinquishing control can actually set a woman free.